Honor Purge

Keith [GM]: You do have an arrow sticking out of your shoulder.
Michael: Does that actually affect me in any way?

Jason: So I rolled 20 in unnatural damage.

John: I’d like to check this purse, this bag, and this string of bandits.

Genessy: He seems competent enough.
Singingdragon: Or at least not less competent than the rest of you.

Jason: Oooh, chicken stuffed with broccoli? That would be really good if you stuffed it into a turkey.

Keith [GM][as NPC]: Why would anyone want to hide such beauty as yours?
Gryella: What? Are you talking to the dwarf?

Larry: Purrr. purrrrrr. purrrrrrrr. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Jason, John, and Kris: KHAN!!!!!!!

Michael: Honor purge! Honor purge! You’re pretty close to it anyway.

Aelana: You have Loot: Basic??
Keith [GM]: Isn’t that what they did with Pascal?

Michael: Awwww. Oh, wait! 49!! I was reading [my dice] backwards!

Keith [GM]: Count Aruk Thalin…
Larry: The Poor. I cut his purse.

More Goats

Jason: If the goat talked to me, I’d kill it.
John: If the goat talked to you, I’d kill it.

Gryella: [casts sleep]
Jason: I sleep 14 hit dice of goats.
Keith [GM]: Nine of the goats fall down and slide towards you.
John: INCOMING!!!!

Michael: Narcoleptic Goats! Get your narcoleptic goats here!

Keith [GM][pretending to be Genessy]: My credit cards?
Kara: What’s in your wallet?

Sam: We have the met the enemy, and they are pointy.

Sam: You’re providing a useful purpose. You’re protecting our goats.
Michael: Or providing moral support.
Kris: Immoral Support.

Kara: You might be one of the first characters to not get killed by a party member.

Healing Help

Genessy: Orthald, now you are definitely not getting any.
Orthald: You said I wasn’t getting any before. I don’t see how this is different.
Gryella: Unless we change the party medical plan.
Genessy: I am NOT the party medical plan!

Digia: Have you come to attack us?
Rorgar: U-um Ah, um…
Jason: Wrong Answer. Boom!!

John: Can I hunt Sniffles?
Sam: We’re not that hard up for food.

Sniffles: Who was Jessup?
Gryella: You would have liked him.
Genessy: He was short.

Daren: Guiletudinous.
John: What?
Michael: He needed a word. I found one for him. I made it up, but I found it.

Kris: Freedom, Individuality, but no sex!
Jason: Drugs, Celibacy, and Rock and Roll!

[After we activate the Party Medical Plan and pour a random potion down Hrolf’s throat, enlarging him]
Digia: Gryella, didn’t you have a wand of healing?

Lorana: He may get a fever. Maybe we should put him in water.

Keith [GM]: Lorana takes 6 to start.
John: Oh, Goody!

Keith [GM]: And out comes another toy.
Kara: From John’s pants.

[After a big discussion in Elven/Dwarven]
Digia: What are you guys talking about?
Singingdragon: Babylon 5.

Michael: I see a lot of married women once a week.
Kris: One on monday, one on tuesday, one on wednesday…

The Power of Ugly

Michael: Is that your player’s book?
Kara [holds up her book]: Yes. I can tell because it’s got this wedge in it.
Michael [holds up his book]: See, this one has your name in it.

Keith [GM]: My dice were angered by something.

Kris: Look, I got him out of harm’s way and then got loot. This is a perfectly legitimate form of Hackmaster roleplay.
Kara: Foreplay?
Kris: Roleplay.
Everyone: You said Foreplay.

Kris: Do you have a name yet?
Roland: No. The mule does. That was easy.

John and Kris, singing: In the Navy, you can sail the 7 seas, In the Navy
John [on his own, as Kris didn’t know the words, and apparently, neither does he]: You can bang a sailor with ease!

Jason: I think I’m going to think of a new slogan for RFB.
Kara: We’re busy, go away?

Kara: My name is Digia. How may I slaughter you today?

E: Yay giant glowing sex.

Michael: We are drawn by the power of Ugly.
John: The power of ugly compells you!

Experience

Jason: There was a roaming gazebo.
Kara: It was a growing gazebo.
Kris: A groping gazebo? What??

Michael: What time are we starting?
Kris: We’ve already started. I have a quote.
Jason: You’re missing experience!!

Jason: The cat has gotten out of the bag, is up the tree, and is laughing at us. There’s no reason to keep holding the bag shut. We might as well look in the bag.
Larry: What’s in the bag?
Jason: Cat hair.

Gryella: Hey, halflings can fit in places most can’t.

Keith [GM]: I design, build, and sell bandits.

Jason: We don’t want our rations to get there before us.

Keith [GM]: We’re off to meet the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Arhz.

Kris: I am not a fringe benefit!

Michael: Can the mountains be hidden behind?
Keith [GM]: Yes, but you wouldn’t be in striking distance.

Keith [GM]: [name of dwarf, ending with} Dun Axe.
Kris: Dun Axe, Dun Tell?

Jason: When someone asks you if you’re a hill dwarf, you say “No!”

Evil

Genessy: I have never steered this party wrong yet.
Kara: There’s a difference between wrong and evil.

Darren: Mmm, wild turkeys are made of meat!

Keith [GM] [as NPC]: Make your mark here.
John: “Make your mark here” [mimes unzipping pants]

Darren: I never thought you the pummelly-punchy sort.

Keith [GM][as NPC]: I don’t have my meeting until yesterday.

Divvying Loot

Digia: Gee, you really had to talk him into it.
Genessy: Some people appreciate my charms.
Sniffles: Others of us get over it.

Jason: She’s a purveyor of all things bouncy…

Gryella: Why don’t we hide the ugly guy. They might mistake him for furniture.

Jason: We should have killed them when we didn’t know who they were.

Keith [GM]: And Genessy takes 13 points of damage.
Everyone but Kris: Owwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Kris: On the other hand I so claim that armor.
Kara: Not that you can fill it.
Jason: I think someone just made The List.

Keith [GM]: Sherna goes down.
Larry: On who?

[Things you don’t expect to hear in a fantasy game]
John: There goes my first clone.

Hrolf: When Relvik works, Relvik works.
Jason: I spend the rest of my round doing the Relvik dance.

Michael: I’m going to find something. Put a dagger in it. Preferably an enemy.

Michael: You’re the SMVP? The second most valuable player?

On immobilising bandits:
Darren: We could break their arms.
Genessy: What is it with you people? You want to break their arms, you want to starve them…
Darren: We could break one arm.

Digia: Weren’t you looking for followers?
Genessy: Not common bandits!
Digia: They don’t have high expectations.

Party Size

Michael: So voting is a result of blood magic?

Michael: I forgot my water bottle behind the Salvation Army shed.
Keith [Gm]: What were you doing that required you to leave your water bottle behind the Salvation Army shed?
Kris: Keith, I thought about asking that but decided I didn’t want to go there.

Kara: I find your lack of intelligence disturbing.

Keith [Gm]: The party has been hit by the ugly stick.

Orthald: The guts fell out of its nose.
Wendell: What are you talking about??
Orthald: Well, when you squeeze them, the guts fell out of his nose.
Kara: Oh, I thought you were saying GOATS.

Daren: I have been known to kill some stuff in my time.

Daren: I’ve been trained in the [insert name of monastery here].

Hrolf: An initiation to prove you’re not a wuss like the last person who tried to join.
Genessy and Hrolf, wondering: Wait, who was the last person who tried to join?
Gryella: Lorana!
Sam: Let’s not read this out to John next week.

Gryella: How much is a halfling slave on the open market?

Digia: Now I’m afraid to let you go because you’re rabid and you might bite me.

Gryella: We need to put the finishing touches on our un-plan.

Gryella: I’d pay one gold for Sniffles any day.

[If Sniffles dies…]
Kidnapper: Funerals cost a lot.
Gryella: The family would take care of that.
Kidnapper: If you’re his employer you’re expected to pitch in.
Gryella: We’ll just throw him in the fire.

Keith [Gm]: The dwarf keeps trying to sink.

Jason: And moaning sounds!! There were moaning sounds in that fog!!

Keith [Gm]: I could have only one job in Japan. [Keith stands and does Godzilla impression]

John: Wow, we eat better than I do.
Michael: Well if you were out in the woods, you could eat this good too.

Kara: How did we get this big anyway?
Jason: Because we’re not getting into enough fights and killing off party members.
Kara: Shit, that’s right.

Loot!

Kris: Michael and E left the store and apparently left us in charge.
John: LOOT!!
[Upon the nightly reading of the quotes, the look on Michael’s face had to be seen to be believed.]

Jason: Shouldn’t it then be called The Deflowering Rose?

[On Palm Pilot Geekery]
John: May I just hold it for a minute?

John: Wow, I thought it would be bigger. I was worried it would hurt my hand.

Anuk: One of your friends has sniffles?
Gryella: He’s a halfling. He’s a little tied up at the moment or he’d be here.

Jason: That counts as combat!! That bird was menacing us!!!

John: And for the record, I would not loot the store.

Hostages

Hrolf: Apparently he’s being held for ransom!
Barkeep: Happens around here.

Genessy: Do we really want Sniffles back?
Hrolf: Of course we want Sniffles back!
Genessy: Why?
Digia: Because he’s the cleric and he has to say that.

Digia: If you can come up with a way to keep Wendell and Orthald happy [then Lorana can join the party]
Genessy: Are you suggesting I sleep with Orthald and Wendell??
Wendell [overhearing]: Not that I’m arguing, but what?
Orthald: Why do you get to sleep with her?
Wendell: I don’t know!
Lorana: No one’s sleeping with anyone!
Wendell: Why not?
Lorana: Because there’s a halfling missing.
Orthald: Then he doesn’t get to sleep with her.

Gryella: What do you people do for afternoon tea?
Guard: Tea.
Gryella: What do the hostages do?
Guard: Tea.