The Campaign Ends

Kris: So what does the meta-magic rod of extend lesser do?
Jared: Helps Xenin in the bedroom.
Everyone: Whoa.
Jared: I’m not saying you *need* help in the bedroom. It would help anyone in the bedroom.

Pete [GM]: You do you things.
Meta-Xenin: No, really. I do Birch. I don’t have to do my own thing anymore.

Robin: Oh, hi, Enelya. Did you have a good evening?
Enelya: Pretty good. Not going to ask about yours.
Robin: I had a good evening. Thanks for asking.

Pete [GM]: This is not the players vs. the GM.
Jared: No? I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.

Robin: We went to Monitor, we got knighted, we got poisoned, tried to get assassinated.

Robin: I think I can take a cut in pay for saving the world.

Kris: So what happens while I’m sitting here being bespelled by my beloved? Do I even notice Robin walking in?
Pete [GM]: No.
Jared: Robin probably doesn’t notice Robin walking in. I was in the street, now I’m in a bar. Ale!

Robin: You put it there, Goddess of Death, and people are like, OMG! Or rather, Oh My Not My God!

Roland: Conjuration, illusion, illusion?
Pete [GM]: We’ll take things that Gaulrog can’t cast for 400, Alex.

Meta-Xenin: Don’t kill the girls! Girls are fun to watch!
Pete [GM]: Yes they are!
Meta-Enelya: Pervent.
Pete [GM]: Single Guy.
Kris: She was talking to me!

Jared: Teenage mutant ninja salad…x2! Heroes in a salad bowl!
Kris: Salad power!
Jared: Lettuce power.

Pete [GM]: We are damage control today.
Roland: It’s 4th ed. damage.
Kris: It’s 4th ed. damage in a 3rd ed. world.

Jared: Illusion and conjuration!
Roland: Your treasure rolls suck. Sorta.

Jared: Every time you hit an ogre, silver comes out.

Back to our Home Plane

Robin: You know why we’re here. What do we do with them?
Diviner: Where did you get them?
Enelya: You should already know.

Robin: Two copper pieces for a chicken – 50 chickens for a gold – times 25….2500 chickens.

Stephanie: Xenin’s playing with Robin’s snake.

Kris: Somewhere in Kris there lives a male chauvinist pig. Who knew?

Xenin: I’m not talking to Enelya and she’s confusing me.
Robin: You’re being confused by proxy.

Birch: There’s friends, and there’s ‘I pay you to do this to me.’

Pete [GM]: Anything else for the day?
Meta-Xenin: Doing Birch.
Meta-Birch: I need a victory-lay.

Kris to Pete [GM]: I have a harder time picturing you in goth gear than me baring my chest.

Xenin: We’re hoping for a priest or two – we have room for two – to come along in case of –
Robin: Emergency
Xenin: Cataclysm

The Helm of Litches

Robin: Maybe I’ll search the trap for buildings.

Xenin: Wait, who’s sharing a room?
Robin: We’re sharing a room. And they’re sharing a room.
Xenin: They’re sharing with us?
Robin: Those were two separate sentences, Xenin.
Xenin: I got all excited.
Robin: Put that away.

Goblin: We take you chief.
Gaulrog: You can’t have our chief.

Pete [GM]: You can call it a hand-scythe.
Stephanie: I like ham.
Kris: He said hand-scythe, not ham-scythe.

Stephanie: They took a shower together too?
Meta-Robin: What is this shower you speak of? Did it rain?
Meta-Gaulrog: In the Inn.

Robin: For that performance, you can keep the rest of the gold.

Birch: I like my men tastefully short.

Pete [GM]: There is a large snake.
Birch: Ooh, Jesus! Um, er…
Jared: Ooh! Wee Jas!

Snake: Tell me the tenants of Balance.
Roland: George.

Joanna: It’s not the size of the dice.
Kris: It’s the size of the cleric rolling.

Pete [GM]: It’s some kind of force effect.
Roland: It’s some kind of force effect. Not sure if it’s light or dark.

Kris: Next on Geraldo – My Heirophant is a Zombie!

Jared: We may all die to a giant snake!
Kris: But at least I had sex with Birch!
Joanna: I died a happy elf.

Enelya: Hey Birch! We’re smoking!
Pete [GM]: You girls are hot.
Kris: That’s the fire snake.

Roland: 8. That’s not enough to hit him.
Jared: That’s not enough to hit anything.. I couldn’t hit me with that.

Enelya: Get a room.
Birch: Okay.

Birch: Do you have a crown?
Robin: I have a coif.
Birch: Does it have any ledges on it?
Robin: *mimes holding a statue up to his head*
Everyone: *laughs*
Kris: I’m so glad she said ledges, because I thought she said litches, and I was trying to figure out how Robin survived with litches on his head.

Jared: At last! The Helmet of Litches! Bwahahaha! [puts on helm, turns into a little litch stuck on the helm]
Kris: And all the other litches are like, “Dude, we are so stupid! Why doesn’t anyone actually look before putting this on?”

Roguish Behaviour

Pete [GM]: It occurs to you…wait make an Int check.
Stephanie: Durrrrrrrrr.
Kris: It occurs to you that fireball is a really great way to start a fire.

Robin: It is a very manly bond. I don’t expect you to understand.

Birch: Why isn’t it dead yet? Is it dead yet?
Xenin: And now she’s hot again.
Robin: That’s the fireball.

Kris: (whispers) Search the body.
Jared: I didn’t think of it.
Roland: (whispers) Bad rogue.

Enelya: (silence)

Snakes on a Platform

Jared: House vs. Car. Car wins.
Kris: Mainly because houses can’t dodge.
Stephanie: Unless they are mobile homes.

Jared: I give myself false death.

Jared: I cast deathball!

Joanna: Grease, grease, grease.
Kris: And suddenly we all feel greasy. Birch, stop that.

Joanna: You should tie it to your belt, so you can drop it on the fly.
Kris: But don’t tie it to your fly.

Jared: I got piss on my crossbow again.

Enelya: I’m so happy I pick up Xenin.
(Much calculation later it’s determined she really can pick up Xenin.)
Kris: Just tell me I’m chest-high and I won’t care.

Robin: How many apathetic snakes can you fit on a platform?

Directions, Please!

Xenin: First we’re going to prepare the bodies for burial.
Enelya: AKA looting.

Xenin: Let’s not talk to the face, let’s talk to the hand.

Jared: She is like a dominatrix.
Joanna: And that’s a bad thing how?

Stephanie: This game is going downhill.
Kris: This game never made it up the hill.

Robin: You are on a demi-plane. Help!

Bananas and Lesbians

Robin: Lesbians have died out.

Stephanie: Tonight’s theme is bananas. And Lesbians.

Stephanie: Disappeared out of nowhere.

Stephanie: Anyone for roasted goblin?
Kris: Ew. Maybe Gaulrog.
Roland: Halfling, elf, human? Sure. Goblin? Ew.

Stephanie: What do they look like?
Maurice: Toasty.

Stephanie: Kris loves to be played with.

Jared: I’m going to stick him in the back. That’ll be the theme for the evening.

Kris: I thought the theme was bananas and lesbians.

Active Duty

Joanna and Kris: We’re grooving, we’re grooving.

Stephanie: Yay, he’s my hero-phant.

Snake: What is the balance of logic and emotion?
Gaulrog: A cheese sandwich.

Pete [GM]: Don’t be such a wet noodle, Kris.
Kris: I’m not Kris, I’m Ris.
Joanna and Stephanie: No, LaRis.

Stephanie: I don’t want to be ditzy!

Joanna: I can see everything. I can see through time.

Pete [GM]: I’ll go dig him out.
Roland: Need a shovel?
Pete [GM]: Half an hour later…

Xenin: I’m starving.

Jared: Zombie rats: Toessssss.

Stephanie: Why do pillows always like to get naked for me?

Robin: This is mah pet dawg, Spinebreaker.

Jared: We’re active knights!
Kris: We’re active days, too!
Joanna: We’re pulling double shifts!